Monday, February 05, 2018

Bear Turns 18!!!

Ok .. ok .. ok .
Wait a minute !!! Is my Bear a legal adult now ? Is this possible that he is a MAN?

Whoa - pls pls pls let time slow down a little ?

Today is the day ! Last weekend he graced us with his presence at the cottage and hubby and I spent a full luxurious day with him at our favorite outside spa with hot baths and freezing cold baths and eucalyptus saunas and rain showers . We all had naps on large beanbag chairs and read in front of hug solarium fireplaces . We each had hour long amazing massages and a delicious lunch and talked and talked and caught up with our amazing son

This weekend we are not even seeing him on his bday until after super bowl as he had plan after plan after plan for his bday weekend and they did not involve us ! His real bday family dinner is Tuesday night with two of his best buddies and Didi of course.
 We will have his traditional raclette dinner and Cesar salad and fruit and berries and brownies . I can’t wait to have our whole family at a dinner table ! Thank goodness for special occasions

18 things I adore about our 18 year old boy ( man )

1 - he is so classy . Manners of gold ( when not with his parents or immediate family ) . His handshake is great , eye contact great . Makes great conversations . Classy and gracious

2 - he is self confident to the max . In a good way . Not an arrogant way . Humble in some ways but super confident . Goes by the beat of his own drums

3- people look up to him and follow his lead . For so many years now his friend's parents praise him and this to me is a high compliment as he has amazing friends

4- he is independant. Like reallyautonomous . Sometimes that is hard on us as parents but it is amazing for him and his life

5- he is fiercely intelligent and smart . Nothing is ever to much for him and he is like a sponge in terms of soaking up information . To him the world is about taking on challenges and hard things and the more the better . He is a learner and a master of learning . He is scary smart in so many ways in so many subjects but not so smart that he doesn’t have to try . He studies well and studies very very hard. He works incredibly hard for his achievements And this is true for school and jobs etc . He does not have a slacker bone in his body

6- he is so gorgeous . Incredibly gorgeous . The blue eyes , the blondish hair , the huge smile , the tanned toned lean tall muscular type of gorgeous . Surf boy gorgeous

7- he is super funny and can say the craziest things and make us all laugh . So often

8 - he is eccentric and has always done the weirdest movements and noises with his voice . He is eccentric and quirky and fun

9 - he is stylish . And has great taste in fashion . Never had to worry about wierd punk tattoos or green hair from this guy ! He is  all fashion and put together all the way

10- he is THE MOST stubborn hard headed person on the planet . For real . Like really really badly . Not sure I love this but could not not include it on a description of him

11 - despite him being like a mule and not being able to move positions - he is a pleasure to raise and has made our lives as his parents really quite easy ( except when he is being a lawyer a lot of the time )

12 - he is an incredible brother . And he puts up with so so so much !! He is bffs with his older brother and has to do a lot of adapting and connecting to have the amazing relationship they do . And with his little sister he is amazing and he never ever gives up trying to become closer and closer to her which with each passing moment they do

13 - he is a family guy and takes this very seriously . He always has a beautiful card and words and gifts for those he loves and commits to family time and occasions on such a loving way

14 - he is so kind and loving with his Didi . Always so welcoming and willing to help out and full of love

15 - he has so many friends and all sorts of groups and types and people in his life . Also has his besties that are always there year after year .

16 - every mom I know and their daughters want to marry Bear . He is a true catch and the full package and their is a line up for this guys heart . But he wants to be single this year !! When he makes a decision he sticks to it

17 - he is organized and strategic and his mind the way it works is incredible . His room his organized and his brain is part people and leadership and pet analytical and data driven . I covet his brain

18 - he is kind and generous and thoughtful and he asks for helps when he needs it and gives it when he has it to offer . He is a good and beautiful person and soul and really has something golden and strong about him that I feel we can all learn from .

I thank the universe every day for giving me this son of ours and we love him with every single bit of our heart and souls

Love you our newly legal adult !!!!!



Tuesday, January 30, 2018


Translated to “golden joinery,” Kintsugi (or Kintsukuroi, which means “golden repair”) is the centuries-old Japanese art of fixing broken pottery with a special lacquer dusted with powdered gold, silver, or platinum. Beautiful seams of gold glint in the cracks of ceramic ware, giving a unique appearance to the piece.Apr 25, 2017

A person I work with very closely and cherish very much as a friend in my life told me about 6 months ago that if she had to capture my being in one word or sentence this is what it would be :


To repair with gold .

And since that moment this statement has never left me . It was probably Of everything anything had ever told me about myself or what I thought about my own self , the comment that resonated with me most about who I am and whom I want to always be.

It was ...and is..a huge compliment
 And for the first time , also clearly defined my purpose in life on so many levels and put this into beautiful words

To repair with gold
yes I do that...

The only mix of words that makes any sense to me at all over the last few days since we recieved news about our daughter Thursday afternoon that will change the direction of everything

After 4 yrs of worry , anxiety , fighting , compliance , discipline , Hope , fear - we sat in the surgeons office on Thursday and heard that Beauty’s scoliosis has now very unpredictably increased by another 10 degrees ( so 16 in last 18 months which is unheard of when a child stops growing ) and she is now a surgical patient at 52 degrees.

Spinal fusion

For our dancing girl.

We sat there with the surgical team for more than an hour and a half going through the decisions , the risks , the surgery . In shock and in tears
 United in our trio . Strong . Sad . Beaten down . Beautiful together

I am not saying more for now as I truly for probably the first time in my life just truly don't have the words . Yet .

To repair with gold is all that comes to mind .

And then at the same time so much deep was going on at the same time with respect two other people I love so very deeply . My mom and Chase too . Shifts in relationship dynamics . Upsets . Off balance . Growth . Changes. Love. 
So much at once.

For now even if those are big and would normally take the front seat for me , they very suddenly take a big back seat to what will happen in about a year with our daughter . Laser focus . Laser focus . Laser focus . To prepare to concentrate , to make beautiful to the person who needs me most .

Yet that too is not the right thing either and I am smart enough to know it . Life will go on . And has to go on with me in it . I will need to think of different things . I will need to continue to be a mother to two others , a wife , a daughter . A friend to people I love who do not have kids who’s dancing backs will be fused . I need to continue to be me , even when everything has changed . How can this be possible ? How could I even possibly care about anything else anymore ?

I need to feel it all first
Then I need to figure it all out

Because right now ?
I feel like I can’t repair with gold .
For maybe the very first time in my life

I cannot fix it

Yet I know there is still a yet .

I will leave with that today . This is my last blog until my wonderful husband has my yearly blog book printed on January 31st every year .
 The January 31 has to be special . Important . Meaningful . He tells me that each year .

Jan 31 is also when my dad passed away . It’s an important date . Dad if I ever needed your help - it is now . It’s not too late dad and like we always said your help to me can be much stronger in death than it was in life . Pretty please ?
 I am counting on that . I need you. Have I ever asked really anything ? I am asking now . Make up for years of not being able to be there for me . It would make the world of a difference to me now 
 I need you to make sure that she is ok . She will be but I need you to make absolutely , 100 percent sure .

I am ending this blog now . This one in particular today and perhaps this blog for good tbd . Another January yet again is taking me in a direction that seems so distant , so hard , so stretching and so Incredibly impossible . Yet Januarys keep coming back and we keep beating them , the unlucky lotteries that seem to be constantly thrown our way .

And what do we do ? We make it all beyond good . We make it great . And mostly ? We make it count

All I can think of this time is literally ensuring that every vertebrae, every rod , every screw , every scar , every blood transfusion , every needle , every day of her year recovery needs to be gold . Sewn up with gold and Magic and light

Our beautiful golden dancing girl . With her talented , dedicated beautiful golden hearted surgeon . Repairing her with gold and fixing all the broken cracks of her now 52 degree curved spine

With her mommy in the background all part got the symphony. The silent yet mighty powerful conductor
 Of the life I was part of creating and the life I birthed . Protecting her every step of the way and ensuring that the scar that will go neck to waist for all her years to come after surgery

Is truly - made of gold .

Thursday, January 25, 2018

Hubby has a bday ! (was Jan 17)

Hubby is always hugging kids and is best dad!!!
I think he is scared his cake is so small!!!

ok he likes it:)

Some bdays are better than others . This was definitely true in this case - my poor protector 

It started out great the night before his bday with a fun and wonderful bday dinner with his sister and brother in law and my mom and our family . We ordered in Lebanese and had a very very small cake that bear chose and had a super nice time at the table chatting for hours. We had not seen them in a while as brother in law had cancer treatments and was a gift in an of itself to see him well and healthy .

So that part of the bday was super !

Then his real bday came 
I had forgotten same day and had schedules both of us working out ( not his fave activity ) so felt bad that I suggested that . We didn't go .

Then I got super sick that day . And my cough became out of control 

I had planned out first weight watcher meeting that evening as we both want to shed some pounds and even if sick I wanted to go as first one 

Hubby was not too thrilled that I planned this on his actual bday . Given we had the celebration the night before I didn't think mattered 

He did 

Especially when he walked into a full room of  60 women and no men 

Then be it was his birthday I felt we had to go out to dinner so we did and I coughed the whole time and was miserable . So was he . We waited and waited for beauty hip hop to be over but it never ended until 10:15 .
The waiter must have thought we were the worst couple ever as just gave up on dinner and each went on our own phones ( we never ever touch phones during meals )
We were a sorry sight I bet 
When they came and gave the bday cake I think I was asleep on the table 

Then we got home at 10:45 and the kids gave him their cards and me a gift 
We had decided for his bday we would take a super super cheap trip to Miami for Easter for 4 days and surprise the kids that night with it 

I wrote a poem about it as we are going super cheap and driving to USA to take flight and not buying more than one meal a day etc . The boys were super pumped when I read the poem and beauty was so so so excited and was jumping up and down 

Then we told her part of the plane deal is no luggage 
Only a knapsack on Back and has to carry all her clothes in that 

And she started bawling her eyes out and wouldn't stop . Like crying and crying and saying that she could never wear only one outfit for 4 days and what would she post on instragram about it . 

She also didn't like that if she wants a Pina Colada she has to buy it .
We provide water 

Did I mention this is a super super last minute cheap trip ?
We are calling it Shitts Creek 2018 

We have never travelled on that type of budget and wanted to give it a try . In our minds will be an adventure and just feel blessed to be able to get some sun and be together 

We also told them that their gift to their dad can be paying the shuttle from airport to hotel . ( not taxi )

The boys were very excited . Beauty was very conflicted and wanted to be excited but the luggage and water seemed to kill her 

All during this I am half dying and half asleep just waiting until midnight to pass so I would need to feel so guilty ruining my mans bday 

I turned out the lights and kept him awake most of the night with severe coughing .

Happy bday hon ? 
Could it be a worse celebration ??
Thank goodness the night before with your sister was so fun 

And we never did play cards to top it all off 


I totally suck 

Here's the poem I wrote :

Shitts creek 2018 trip ! 

When I asked dad what he wanted for his bday he was very clear : he wanted his family of five near 

He always loves Trent 
But knows that where that is where the majority of our time is already spent

He wanted to take a few days in the sun 
It would be so super fun 
The problem is that not money to pay given that we are taking big trip with Tristan to Bali in may 

We tried to figure out how we could do it for this man as we all know we want to make his wishes come true with a bam 

We came up with something that is good and very cheap but it will be very different and won't be our travel at its usual peak 

We will drive to get a plane in the middle of the night and cross a border to ensure a cheap flight 

We will share a small room and pod  - you will each have one night to get cosy in a queen with your squad 

We will eat light in the day and have a yummy  sit down meal if we may once a day 

Your bday gift to dad he asks not to shop for for 20 dollars USA you each contribute to shuttle bus  and drop 

Will be the cheapest trip we have ever done but totally guaranteed to be fun in the sun 

Will be an  adventure for sure and will be low cost and let's hope we don't get lost !

Let's hope there are still fares to buy - if not will have to forget this and tell the idea goodbye 

Inviting you all for dads bday wish to Miami south beach . I am sure you will be so excited we won't have to preach !

See you for Easter as we travel through the night- we  can always make it happen even on a little budget if we try with all our might !

Wednesday, January 24, 2018

Pics Vacation !!

Better late than never!!!

my office party:)

 My Tenor's great show at Place Des Arts!

Beauty baked for Charity:)

Client gift

Secret Santa Fun

Quiet Xmas eve buffet

New earrings from mama bear

Cool auberge on Dec 25

Squad charm

new haircut

the team::

me and me Ann-abella

we did such an awesome presentation that day!
our great extended family on xmas in ottawa!

Hubby said so rare to see me doing dishes!!


the whole gang!

game with pie in face!!!


sooooo sweet!
Got two rooms at hotel yet piled into my bed anyways!!!

Beautiful xmas table

Cottage life and reading book by fire

good old selfies!

All of us finally together:)))

New years at Trent!

Xmas gang ottawa!!!

New year!!